A monologue inspired by The Silence by Manchester Orchestra
Inspired by the following lines of the song The Silence by Manchester Orchestra:
"But you, amplified in the silence Justified in the way you make me bruise Magnified in the science Anatomically proved that you don't need me..."
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Hi...
How are you?
I know you wouldn't respond and it frustrates me beyond repair. Like there's this wall and I'm banging my head on it, year after year... it's not that I'm stubborn or that I deny the fact that you are. It's more like when it comes to you... I unrealistically start to dream that someday the wall would leave open a small crack on her own. Deep down I know that it's just wishful thinking. It's frustrating... you keep reminding me that no matter what we do... the universe doesn't give a damn.
This pandemic has changed a lot of things. After the lockdown dissolved and the life restored or at least tried to, things became much more catastrophic without anyone paying much attention... with less fear and high risk of exposure and mortality we are stuck in a world that's no longer serious about something that's threatening to digress all the progress we made as a society. I don't know how long we or our pre-COVID integrated social structure will sustain. In this world that has never promised anything other than change, having thought of the same social structure to sustain is probably the biggest human fallacy. But don't accept the regular cliche of the crisis being cited as "the Nature against Anthropocene". It's Nature...all along, inclusively, changing, killing, mutating, evolving, momentarily favoring some while grossly being indifferent to everyone else... one that doesn't care, unapologetic and indifferent to the lives that she creates and destroys... challenging your moral anchoring... frustrating you by destroying your coveted order and restoring chaos... this Nature, as Lovecraft sees it, is chaos, in minding one order of business ... doing every random experiment dispassionately to increase the entropy in the universe... the 2nd law of thermodynamics. That's the only law she's incumbent to... everything else is just pawn for her conversion. Somehow this perspective on Nature reminds me of you... or at least your indifference towards me...
If there is no tomorrow or that everything changes beyond our darkest despair... I want you to know that I... I don't know what is it that I have for you. But whatever it is... it's honestly the most genuine and sincere feeling that I have for anyone... I'm sure it doesn't matter to you but it's as true and objective as the appearance of this macroscopic world made out of the subatomic particles. You might deconstruct it as a biological, primordial and an evolutionary trait but its inner workings are real... as real as the world you feel through your sight and touch.
Still, I know... that you wouldn't care... Like the Rama in its trajectory through the Interstellar space and accidentally, incidentally, through the solar system... you will not change your telemetry to the causation of human visitation... you have no plan for me other than a vacuum. I can only see your approaching perihelion through the changing of your Facebook pictures... until, one day, I can see them no more. Or worst... the perihelion will always be there, as close as the digital world promises... with you and your beautiful face... just one search away yet never within any meaningful contact... your vague, late and cold monosyllabic responses as the only relics from the past, illuminating my path of banging the head on the wall, in years to come, with a puny hope, which is to say, the other side of despair.
